Dealing with a loss

Celebration of Life at Big Oak Ranch

My sister, Cathy, left us unexpectedly. Like many who lose a loved one suddenly, we spent the first month in shock, grieving, and trying to grapple with her absence. Planning a funeral was the last thing anyone wanted to do, and a traditional funeral felt too structured for a life so full of color. Once we were able to move past the initial shock, memories of my sister would surface: her favorite foods, her love of art, funny sayings and antics, the million love notes she left me, her clumsy nature, birthday and holiday cards she would send months after the actual occasion, and how she was perpetually late, often saying, "Make sure I'm late to my own funeral." With input from her daughters and my parents, we decided to celebrate my sister with a big party... a celebration of life.

Like many, I’d never planned a celebration of life and hadn’t a clue of what to do. Instead of searching the internet for sources of inspiration, I asked myself, “What would Cathy want?” This was the best thing I could have done: plan a party that she would have had a blast at. It was as if she were next to me the entire time, whispering inspiration and guidance.

The celebration should include your loved one’s favorite things to share with guests. This makes planning food, themes and décor much easier. Here is what I learned from my journey and things to consider when planning a celebration of life:

Timing

There is no set timeline for a celebration of life. In fact, I caution against rushing to do this. Some families choose to gather within a week or two, while others wait several months to allow time for planning and travel. Waiting a beat also helps with mental clarity and brings forth memories that you may want to incorporate into your planning. Your celebration can also be morning, midday, or evening and maybe even the time of day your loved one enjoyed the most. The right timing is simply what feels best for you and your family.

Location

My sister loved our horses and property at Big Oak Manor & Ranch. Ideally, you will also be able to hold your celebration at your loved one’s favorite spot. Consideration must be made for ample parking, adequate restroom facilities, and accessibility for guests of all mobility levels.

The venue itself can be a powerful way to reflect the interests of the person you are remembering. Big Oak Ranch offers flexibility and customization, allowing families to tailor the space in ways that are personal. By shaping the environment to reflect your loved one’s life, the celebration becomes more than an event. It becomes a true reflection of who they were. Note that people do not mind traveling distances to attend a celebration of life.

Expect more people to show up than you think. There are the people you know about and the people you don’t know about, such as old bosses, childhood and college friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. People we had not seen in 30 years showed up to tell stories and pay their respects to our family. I couldn’t believe it.

Décor, Food & Personalization

Many families choose to include thoughtful elements that encourage remembrance. Memory tables are a simple yet meaningful way to display photographs, keepsakes, or favorite books that help tell their story.

My sister was an artist, so we chose to display many of her original works on the large farm table at Big Oak Manor & Ranch with framed photos and trinkets from her home. This was staged in front of the barn doors when people walked in next to the sign-in guest book and floral arrangements provided by loved ones.

Each table with guest seating was decorated with her favorite flowers, photos, copies of her artwork, boxes of tissues, candies, and a flyer with her favorite charities that displayed a QR code for donations. Everything at each table was free for guests to take with them as a memento of Cathy. We also made a trifold pamphlet in Canva, adding her favorite bible verses and information we wanted everyone to remember about her.

We served many of my sister’s favorite foods: sliced lemons, Mountain Dew, charcuterie boards, candies, Doritos, and veggie trays. We kept it simple, which made set up and break down easy.

Working with trusted local vendors allows families to create customized menus that can highlight favorite foods, signature drinks, or desserts tied to special memories. By putting this part of the event into someone else’s hands it is just one less thing to do.

Communication

Be sure to provide as much advanced notice as possible, at least two weeks but more is ideal. We chose social platforms to communicate the Celebration of Life date, time, address, and logistics. We tagged my sister so that all her connections would be informed. My dad also sent emails and made phone calls to help the grapevine of information within the family.

Burial

We chose to have a private ceremony with just immediate family members on a separate date to give us time in between. My sister wanted to be cremated, and we have a family cemetery. We were blessed that our minister was able to join us in the hospital before it was time to take my sister off life support. It was a very spiritual and intimate moment. Because of this, we did not feel the need to incorporate religious components in the Celebration of Life and subsequent burial, but please incorporate what ever elements feel right for your family.

Budget

Luckily, we did not have to pay for the venue because I’m the owner; however, I enlisted the help of others for food, décor, etc. The financial burden was small since everyone was so gracious in offering their support.

Tell Stories

I prepared a few stories in advance and asked those closest to Cathy to do the same so we could kick things off and hopefully encourage others to share. Write your thoughts down for reference, as it may be overwhelming to get through. You may want to share your notes in advance with someone who you feel could step in and read them if you are unable. Many people are hesitant to talk to a crowd, and some people who attend may have known your loved one but not you. Keeping things relaxed and as lighthearted as possible gets people out of their shell. My mom and I enjoyed reminiscing.

Delegate and Don’t Stress

A Place to Gather, Remember, and Reflect

A celebration of life is about honoring a legacy, sharing stories, and finding comfort in being together. Big Oak Ranch offers a setting where those moments can happen naturally, surrounded by open skies, quiet spaces, and room to reflect.

Loss is heavy but try to keep the happy memories front and center. Celebrations of life are reunion opportunities with extended family. Catch up with those you haven’t seen in years. Try to engage in conversation and stories as much as possible. We extended the celebration and made a weekend out of it. We blocked our three cabins at The River as well as the Manor House at The Estate to allow family and friends to celebrate with us and explore Page County.

In the end, Cathy’s celebration turned out better than I could have hoped for. It was a beautiful day, the turnout was great, and I learned more about my sister and the many lives she touched. And, if you’re wondering, she did show up late. There was an unusual delay in receiving her ashes and I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d orchestrated that from afar. If you are reading this, I’m sorry for your loss and I hope my journey can provide you with inspiration during a dark time. We are here to answer any questions and help you create a gathering that feels true to your loved one’s life.

By: Jennifer, Owner of Big Oak Manor & Ranch